Here’s a bit of a conversation I just had with my 13 year old son:

• Mom: I’m working on money stuff
• Dan: like what?
• Mom: trying to get my money to make more money
• Dan: what is it going to do? have sex?
• Mom: (shocked) What?!
• Dan: Well, you want it to make more… (grins from ear to ear).
• Mom: no, Dan, I’m talking about interest
• Dan: yeah, it’s interesting!!!!!

Oh, the conversations that can be heard in a house with 3 teen guys…

I have hundreds of friends. I’ve lived in the same area my entire life. My guys comment that I “know everybody” whenever we go anywhere! Yet, as I prepare to move, I realize the depth (or lack of) of many of these relationships. Kathy Guy wrote a post this morning titled Do you have your four friends? Do you? that really hit on exactly what I’ve been thinking about.

I know I haven’t always been a good friend. Now, before you start thinking terrible things, what I mean by that is that although I’ve been a “decent” friend to many, I’ve not always been one to “go the extra mile” or “carry my paralyzed friend’s mat through a roof”. It’s easy to express joy, sympathy, compassion, or understanding if it doesn’t take risking ourselves.It’s easy to think of what to do, it’s a whole different level to actually get up and do it. How many people saw this paralyzed man? How many of his friends wanted to help and may have even thought of how to get him to Jesus? Yet, four friends picked up the mat, risked it all, and did it.

In my life, I know why it happened. I learned long ago to keep my life secret, to be superficial and to never be vulnerable. That offered protection from being hurt, but it also established barriers to real relationships. When you block out the bad, you also block out the good. You can’t be selective…it just doesn’t happen.

I want the kind of friends who will “pick up my mat and carry me”. I really want to be one who will grab on and step up for someone else. Do you have four friends who would do this for you? Are you one of someone else’s four friends? Or even one? Do they know? It takes risk, it takes effort, and it doesn’t come easy. It’s a choice we make and it’s a choice I’m willing to take. How about you?

I’ve received numerous requests and questions about podcasts of me speaking. Not all have been recorded but here’s what is available (I’m new at this so give a little slack on the speaking!  I’m working on it!!):

• Northgate weekend services–what God has done in my life, as part of the sermon on Jonah’s Journey
  • Week 4 (June 29-30)–click “listen online” (don’t use the “download” link on this one–it’s the wrong weeks podcast!)
• Thursdays podcasts–Northgate’s Thursday night service geared toward 18-30 yr olds. My first experiences preparing and speaking the messages…
  • What a woman–a woman’s role in our series “The Lord of the Rings”
  • Winning the battle against temptation
  • What’s up with Jesus–one part of our “What’s up with…?” series
  • Pulling down the fences–tearing down the barriers to connect with people
  • There’s always enough for what counts–a look at priorities in our lives
  • Forgiveness Part 1 and Forgiveness Part 2
  • This is all I’ve got–the first time I spoke at Thursdays–”my story” (and the first time I publically shared most of this stuff!!)

The other question I’ve been asked about is how can anyone donate and help in supporting me and/or Walls Down Church. Here’s what’s up:

• Like a missionary, I’m raising my own support to pay bills, conferences, insurance, etc. (Paul is also doing this for his family)
• We need to raise start up funds for Walls Down Church–from baby wipes to microphones to fees for building rental and everything in between!
  • The Association of Related Churches has selected Walls Down to partner with and match all gifts Walls Down receives! This means all donations to Walls Down gets doubled!!
• At this time, any donations are going through Mountain Lake Church missions (100%), where Paul has just completed a church planting residency, until we get “on the ground” with our own financial/legal framework. All donations are tax deductible and you will receive a giving statement!
  • checks made out to:
    • Mountain Lake Church, 3105 Dahlonega Highway, Cumming GA 30040
    • Don’t write the check to me, Paul or Walls Down at this point—simply include a note or write on the memo line where the monies are designated to go. They will all go to a special fund and all will get to us.
• We need prayers!!!! Please don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer–drop a comment or note telling us if you’re praying for us. It is so very appreciated!!!!

Thanks for traveling alongside as God continues to do incredible things! I can’t wait to see what lies ahead!

I have been so busy lately, both physically and mentally, trying to get everything done before we move. My guys are sensitive to these times and I’ve intentionally planned time to spend with them and to just try to take time out. I’ve continued to spend time every morning with God and reading, praying, and studying. I’ve also scheduled time to spend with friends as our time in NY winds down. It’s been great, but something has been missing…

What’s missing? Good ol’ let loose, over the top, crazy fun and laughter!! I’ve been known to bring squirt guns into work, tickle my kids until they’re laughing so hard they can’t breathe (or they’re laughing at me trying to hold them down when they’re bigger than I am!! ), and just being so “silly” that they can’t help but laugh. We have so many words and phrases that only take one mention and it sends us into uncontrolled laughter.

Yup—that’s been neglected lately. I think that needs to be changed…  

What about you? Are you remembering to laugh? And no wimping out with a “tee-hee, ha-ha, that was funny” laugh either—go for it with all you’ve got! Be crazy today–and enjoy it!!!

Look, the highest heavens and the earth and everything in it all belong to the Lord your God. Yet the Lord chose your ancestors as the objects of his love. And he chose you, their descendants, above all other nations, as is evident today. ~Deuteronomy 10:14-15

When I first felt a calling into ministry and I pictured myself speaking to people, I thought “Who am I?” to think such thoughts. I am nobody. Nearly two years ago I shared a tiny bit of my story at our 3 main services at church, in front of 700-800 people. The responses were overwhelming and again I asked myself, “Who am I?” to have such impact. I am nobody.

I began blogging and making connections with people all over the world. People were reading what I had to say. “Who am I?” that anyone would care to read? I am nobody. Over the past year I have met incredible leaders, people “who are somebody” and it’s exciting! To think that these people would take their time, and talk with or write to me–wow!! I’ve gotten comments on blog posts and my jaw has dropped, because they have spoken to me. It’s like running into celebrities, and they speak to you! “Who am I?” that anyone would think I had something to offer. I am nobody. Yet it continues.

I know, without a doubt, that God has called me to ministry and to help start this church. I know, without a doubt, that all I’ve been through will be used by him to reach people and help lead them to Jesus. I know, without a doubt, that I have already and will continue to connect with people that others can’t…or won’t. Yet, I continue to ask “Who am I?” to have this privilege? “Who am I?” that God, THE God that created all, THE God that has power to do anything he wants, would ever even think about me? I am nobody.

I’m not doing anything special. I am a nobody. I am no different than anyone else. I spoke again at the 3 services last weekend, a changed person from just a short time ago. I know, without a doubt, that I have done nothing except listen and obey. I know I would not be at this point, or even alive, under my own power. I am nobody, yet I am somebody to God. When the service finished, I was asked to come forward so all who wanted could gather around and pray. I stood up and was completely overwhelmed by the numbers who stood with me. I am nobody, yet God continues to work.

As I read about how Jesus gave his life for the people in the Bible, I know this is the same Jesus that gave his life for me. Jesus is way bigger than any “big church” leader. He is way bigger than any celebrity ever could be. I am nobody, yet he thinks I’m somebody. Wow! I don’t ever want to forget this feeling!

Casting Crowns, “Who am I?” says it all…even if it’s a familiar song, take a minute to listen and appreciate the words…

I haven’t been blogging much lately. It seems like every minute of the day has been filled with things to do, but I’ve also been intentionally spending more time with my guys during this time of transition. So here are some thoughts and updates…

• Each of my guys handles stress in different ways…one doesn’t talk much, but thinks all the time; one gets overwhelmed and upset easily; and one constantly says ”I love you Mom” and wants hugs!!
• Yes, we accepted an offer on our house–we’re still waiting on an official mortgage commitment
• Finding a car for my 18 year old is impossible! We need decent, reliable, but within our budget–if you have one for sale, let me know!!
• This week I mowed my lawn. Usually my kids do it, but I’ve always enjoyed the time to think. It may have been the last time I ever use a riding lawn mower.
• Car insurance, health insurance, renters insurance, life insurance, homeowners insurance—I can’t stand this stuff!!!
• I love backyard campfires. Awesome conversations, great laughs, tons of memories, and Reeses Peanut Butter S’Mores!!!
• Last summer I was riding my bike about 20 miles a day. Yesterday I rode 10…I am so out of shape.
• We’ve taken extra time to have fun in the pool and simply enjoy each other’s company
• The guys and I have done movie night at least once a week for years—the past couple of weeks we’ve watched a movie together almost every other night.
• Last doctor and dentist appointments, gathering transcripts, finding important papers, address and email changes….so much to remember and do…
• We’ve spent time…all 4 of us…playing Playstation games together. I even won…once
• I can still tackle and take down my guys…they say tickling isn’t fair…but I make the rules! They all have the best laughs–I love it!
• I am so in the “get rid of it” mode–sell it, trash it, or give it away…
• Home is not a place…home is wherever my guys and I are together. Bottom line is…the 4 of us are so very close and we would do anything for each other. That’s better than any “stuff” could ever be.
• This move has brought us closer than we’ve ever been and I’ve seen my guys’ faith in God, their growth as men, and their love for what’s important. I am the luckiest mom ever!!

Until another day…I’m outta here…

Compromise–something intermediate between different things; a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; accommodation, settlement

Compromise–to expose or make vulnerable to danger, suspicion, scandal, etc.; jeopardize; negotiate, risk, sellout, settle

One word can have two completely different implications. Compromising to settle differences may be the best approach. Neither side gets exactly what they want, but together they may move forward. A compromise eliminates extremes.

But what if those “extremes” are exactly what is needed? Paul writes about Being mean about the vision as it applies to church planting. This is huge! But it also got me thinking about being mean about the vision I have as a parent for my kids. It made me think of how I should be mean about the vision in my own life.

How many times have we justified allowing our kids to go somewhere, or watch something, or be around someone simply to quiet that feeling of “this isn’t really ok, but it’s not that bad”? Our kids tell us “everyone does it” and we compromise because we’re told to “pick our battles”. It’s not just kids who tell us that either! Other parents criticize, often to rationalize their own choices or to make themselves feel better or superior. It’s hard to take a stand, but as we compromise on little issues, we begin a slippery slide downward and before we recognize, we are nowhere near where we wanted to be.

Making suggestive comments about the opposite sex as we walk in a mall or on the beach, cheating on our taxes “just a little bit”, or looking the other way as we see friends making poor choices become easier and easier to justify each time we allow it to happen. We all say “it’s no big deal” or “I would never do more”, until that next opportunity jumps out at us.

“Boys will be boys” as teens look at porn magazines becomes men addicted to images that begin to tear apart families. “It’s just lunch” or “He’s only giving me a ride” too easily turns to secret glances, flirting, and destruction of marriages. When does it all cross the line? Compromise makes us vulnerable to the next step, because once it begins, the lines blur and what once was black and white slowly fades to gray.

Paul shares some great insight about “being mean” that applies not only to church planting, but in our own lives. Knowing who God wants us to be as godly men and women and as parents is the vision God gives to each of us:

You must be clear about the vision that God has given you. This is the result of prayer, conversation, reflection, and experience.

Be clear and honest up front!

Be kind as you explain to people that you are not going to change.

You must be willing to say goodbye to people, even friends, who want to go another direction.

As you continue to maintain a clear, unwavering position on this God-given vision you will begin to see the fruit of your labor.

Being mean takes a clear vision, commitment, and lots of prayer. There will be times when you want to bend, but the more you stand tall, the easier it becomes and the more you will begin to see it’s all worth it. Casting Crowns has a great song, Slow Fade, that nails home this whole point–check it out:

How many times have you heard kids say “I’m sorry” and you know they are just saying it to get onto the next activity? Too often they are hollow words taught by well-intentioned parents to teach empathy, forgiveness, and remorse. We have to teach them. But is there a better way? Are we just creating teens who say “I said I was sorry” as they continue to repeat a behavior over and over? These same teens become parents who walk out on their kids, come back years later, say “I’m sorry” and expect that all will suddenly be ok.

“I’m sorry” becomes manipulative when the child learns if he puts on the right face with the right tone of voice, others easily forget that things don’t seem to change. It’s the same face that as an adult he uses it to tell his spouse he’s sorry and will never cheat again. She wants to believe it, he sounds sincere, but in his heart nothing has changed.

Forgiveness is giving it to God. Forgiveness doesn’t erase consequences. “I’m sorry” doesn’t take away the wrong that has occurred and it doesn’t erase responsibility. “I’m sorry” can’t instantly rebuild trust. “I’m sorry” tells nothing of motivation, of intention, or of where the heart lies.

“I’m sorry” needs to be paired with responsibility. There needs to be action to make right what you did wrong. It’s not a prerequisite for forgiveness. Forgiveness happens on the side of the one hurt, “I’m sorry” happens inside the one who did the hurting. Empty words mean nothing.

If you fail to pay a debt, walking into a bank and saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t erase the debt. They may work with you, give you another shot, but you still need to take responsibility, pay the money, and face the consequences. In the Bible, David said “I’m sorry” for having an affair, yet still had to take responsibility and face the consequence of a baby dying. Samson said “I’m sorry” for giving in to his own lusts, was forgiven, but still had to deal with the consequence.

As parents, teaching kids to say “I’m sorry” is a start, but it’s not enough. We need to teach them how to take responsibility and to “make it right”. Adults need to model not only saying the right thing, but taking it farther to being accountable and accepting the outcome, no matter what the cost. True “I’m sorry” will result in changed hearts, in changed behaviors, and in doing everything possible to take responsibility and “make it right”. Anything less doesn’t mean much.

So, say “I’m sorry”, but “go back to the bank and repay the debt”…as much as you hope it just disappears, you will never have a changed heart and move on until you “write the last check”. If you ever want a chance for another “loan”, you need to make it right today. If you ever want a real chance with someone you’ve hurt, take responsibility, face the consequence, repay, and don’t expect anything in return. You might just be surprised at what happens.

Yeah they used cultlike methods. But then again, I feel really positive, and excited about my life after going.

The above quote is from a PSI seminar graduate describing her experience. The one below is another attender:

I attended the PSI Basic seminar in Chicago, and initially believed it to be a good thing. So good in fact that I signed up for an advanced seminar (Psi-7), which is held at the compound (I mean ranch) in Northern California. However, only a couple of weeks after the basic seminar I became aware that I was totally unprepared to deal with the issues that the emotional raping of the Basic seminar opened in me. But, no fear, as the Psi gurus told me….all that will be dealt with in the next seminar.

I continued to have new difficulties in life all the way up to the advanced seminar. Once you get on the ranch in California it is nearly impossible to get out. Shame, guilt, belittling, browbeating, public humiliation, and the ever popular ‘You’re on silence’ are the tactics they use to keep you from leaving. I finally was allowed to leave the ranch only after walking off a ‘training exercise’ and refusing to participate any further.

Two days ago I got a phone call from one of my 3 brothers. He was headed up to “The Ranch”, as he and his son were on staff at the Men’s Leadership Seminar of PSI Seminars. He was telling me that my 2 other brothers were headed up to “The Ranch” on the bus (all attendees arrive at a central staging area and then are bussed together to The Ranch until the end of the session–lasting 3 days to a week)…his wife and other son have also been heavily involved in all the seminars.

Research it. I’ve stood in defense against the pressure tactics described to get me to attend “The Basic” seminar. Is it a cult? Is it simply a self-improvement course, with high sales pressure techniques, cult-like tactics, New Age religion philosophies, and secrets that you can only discover if you attend the layers of expensive seminars?

Check out some sites PSI Seminars; Cults and PSI; and an open forum.

I would love to hear your feedback. The next person involved could be your sibling, your friend, or even you.

This church planting journey is nearly entering the next phase, which brings so many thoughts and emotions. In the past 24 hours:

• Watched Tim receive a scholarship and listened as he told the group about his business and his next steps of life–my little boy all grown up
• Drove to another one of my worksites for the last time
• Said “Goodbye” to more kids and co-workers
• Ate lunch with an awesome friend–and hugged her goodbye
• Heard some pretty negative comments about me and this move
• Got my last paycheck
• Got an offer on my house–this could be the one! Crazy emotions making the decisions

Through it all, under all the “stuff” is a feeling of trust. God continues to speak and lead…I just need to remind myself to listen. It’s crazy, it’s awesome, it’s amazing and I can’t wait to get to Cincinnati!!