Part of this I wrote in a post over 2 years ago.
Have you ever desperately desired something, yet been incredibly afraid to get it? Maybe you’re afraid what you hope for isn’t going to be as good as you thought. Or maybe you are afraid it will be even better than you ever could have imagined, and you’re scared that once you get it, you will lose it. Whoever said, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” must not have lost. When you don’t know the depth of what is possible, you don’t invest as much of yourself. When you know what you’re losing, it hurts a lot more.
What is familiar is expected and easy. If you know rejection, you know the routine. If you know loss, you know how to deal with it. Even if it’s not pleasant and your way of coping isn’t the best choice, it’s familiar. When you venture out and take a chance it’s downright scary. It’s a huge risk and it doesn’t always end the way we want.
I’ve always wanted to hang glide. I can imagine that it would be the most incredible feeling, soaring over the beauty below and simply floating on air. The most difficult part would be taking off. It’s tough to put everything on the line and let it all go. There’s a chance that the equipment would fail. There’s a chance that I would never get off the ground and never experience the flight. I could then only imagine what the gliding would have been. But if I took off and the feeling was more breathtaking than I could have ever dreamed, I would savor every second and never want it to end. And then it happens…the conditions change and the ride ends unexpectedly early. What I hoped could go on forever suddenly was gone. Experiencing the incredible, then losing it, leaves me longing more than if I had not known the feeling at all.
If all you know is rejection and loss, you can only imagine what acceptance and love feels like. Then it happens. Someone comes along and you begin to allow them to break down the walls. They know who you are, what you struggle with, where your heart is, and help you experience feelings you could only have dreamed. It’s better than you could ever have imagined. You feel love. You feel honest love from friends, a Christian love that you know is real. You imagine this is what people call ‘family’ and the friendships that others write about. You let down your defenses and savor every second of the feeling. You want those people to always be right there. You don’t want it to ever change. And then it happens…the conditions change and the ride ends unexpectedly early. It hurts a lot more when you have felt the depth of what is possible. Experiencing the incredible, then losing it, leaves you longing for more. But it also leaves you wondering if you can, or are willing, to ever take the chance again.
Maybe flying isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…and maybe love doesn’t really exist. Yet, I know I’m capable of loving. I know it every single day when I think of my guys, my sons who are now incredible young men. I’m committed to them, I would die for them, I love them. Are other people just as capable, just as committed? Am I willing to share this commitment with friends? Are you?
But what about friends? Is it truly possible for people to look beyond themselves to make a commitment to another person? We label people we know as ‘friend’ that we’ve only just met. We have facebook friends who we’ve never seen. How are we to know when someone says, “I’m proud to be your friend” that they won’t turn away tomorrow? Or even further, when those ‘friends’ become like ‘family’, what does that really mean? Is it a commitment or is it just convenient for the time? Sure, there are seasons for friendships, but is that all there is? Are the words ‘friend’ or ‘family’ simply empty cliches that fade when it’s not as ‘convenient’?
It’s easy to walk away when your friend has problems. It’s easy to overlook the problems instead of helping them face the consequences to heal. It’s easy to move on and blame a disconnect on distance. It’s easy to say we’re too busy. It takes a friend to honestly confront…and stay around. It takes a friend to drop everything, if only for a phone call or email or text message to give support. It takes a friend to be intentional about keeping in touch, even if things aren’t exactly as they used to be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether I’m a good friend or not. Can I do a lot better? Am I a friend a friend would like to have? What about you? It’s not about gathering the most friends, it’s about making the most with the friends you have. Is this the way it’s supposed to be or am I missing something? Life is too short. We need people who we can count on, people who will be there when we fail and celebrate when we win. I need that…and I know I can’t be the only one who does.
Your thoughts?
Filed under: Christian life, Friends, Friendship, Love Tagged: | Christianity, Friendship, Love
I completely agree. I had a friend who when we met, we saw eye to eye. She acted as if she’s on a pedestal-she’s on the moral highground. When I started falling into my life of evil, sin, lies, and drugs it was simple for her to turn her back on me. We grew distant-she said I was lost. She may have been right. But what hurt the most is that she abandoned me when I was at my lowest point. What hurt even MORE is that she said unkind things about me when she thought I would never find out…all this is coming from a person I considered my dearest friend. She hated me.
But I am a big believer in change..If Malcolm X can live a life of crime, go to prison, and return to society rejuvenated, educated, articulate, passionate…beautiful..I can be transformed by the grace of God. Hard work is the price I have to pay and I’ll give my life for change.
and in my glory day when I come out shining..I don’t want to receive any form of friendship she has for me. If she can’t be with me in my darkest hours, she doesn’t deserve to be with me in my most glorious days.
A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
It is said that people penetrate our lives for a reason, a season, or to spend their lives beside us.
At first, it may be hard to determine the nature and purpose of a relationship.
When we figure out which one it is, we know what to do for each.
A friend of REASON usually arrives to meet a need that has been expressed.
They have come to assist us through a difficulty – to provide guidance and support no matter how short lived.
Perhaps they’ve come along to bring us the healing power of kindness and hope.
They have most definitely shown up to reactivate a virtue within us;
To aid us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are, for they are there when we need them the most.
Then, without warning or reason, usually at an inconvenient time,
This friend will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they simply walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force us to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer sent up has been answered.
Now it is time to let go.
Like a match that burns hot and soon dies, these friendships have a short life.
This may be a difficult time because often we think the lesson has not been learned or purpose fulfilled.
These friendships help during specific times; they are a friendship for a reason.
When people come into our life for a SEASON, it is because our turn has come to grow and learn.
They bring us an experience of peace or to truly make us laugh.
They may teach us something we have never done or even thought about doing.
They usually bring some form of creativity and wisdom;
This may unlock a beautiful gift inside us that has been lying dormant.
Often these mentors and instructors open our minds to new ideas and dimensions.
They usually bring an enormous amount of grace with them.
They give us an unbelievable amount of joy,
But it rarely extends past the environment or reason that brought us together.
Take it in, believe it and enjoy — it is very real, if only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships present us with love, life-long challenges and lessons for growth.
Not only do love partners fall into this category but parents, siblings, children and long-term friendships as well.
They bring us love, patience, forgiveness, generosity, compassion, etc.
Those virtues we build a life upon in order to maintain emotional balance.
Our challenge is to be open and receptive to the lesson, love the person that is brining it in.
To put what we have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of our life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Friends you can find any time you need something or that you can call any time you feel like crying;
For they will help and they will calm you down.
Those whom you can shout and scream at, but still endure that friendship with love;
They are lifetime people.
Someone who carries the heavy burden from your back;
That is someone you have to keep and take care of.
These are the friends that we know “will be there” without having to ask.
These are the friends that are not impeded by distance or circumstances.
These are the friends that can always count on you and you on them.
These are friend for a lifetime.
Our life is represented by one line with beginning and end points, this line can be straight or curved.
It encompasses bumps and bruises, hardships and hang-ups, leaps and laughter.
But the friendships for a reason, season or lifetime – we are blessed by them all.
Author Unknown