Systems for dummies–Part 2

When I cook, I usually don’t follow a recipe. To me most recipes are simply guidelines. I know what I want to make, have an idea how I’m going to do it, but then I change it up. I substitute ingredients, try new combinations, or eliminate steps altogether. With 3 growing boys in my house, I rarely have to worry that whatever I cook will be turned down. But here are the problems with this approach:

• Sometimes the meal comes out great…other times I’m lucky my guys will eat anything!
• I can never cook the same thing, the same way, twice
• If my guys want to cook the same meal, they have no idea how because I don’t even remember!

Systems can be like recipes. Systems allow and foster consistency over time, are reproducible, and can be taught to others. They can also take away a lot of stress trying to work it out every time!

How about an example of how systems can help as a parent? When my guys were little, I loved the time I had to myself at night after they went to bed. However, as they got older, they were up later and it always seemed that was the time they “needed” to tell me about their day, hand me permission slips to sign, or ask for my help with a school project. Our nights also seemed to get later and later with no “downtime”. We needed to figure this out. Here’s our system we put together:

Vision: to have my time alone back; to all have “downtime”
Goal/Win: after 10PM I would have no “Mom” responsibilities, all of us would have time to slow down at end of the day
Who is responsible for this working?: Me (to stick with it) & my guys (to respect it)
How it works:

• All clearly told that after 10PM was off limits for requests
• TV, video games, computer are all turned off at 10PM
• I am available to help with homework, projects, errands, etc. before 10PM
• After 10PM:
  • permission slips to be signed–placed on kitchen counter in specified spot to be signed in morning
  • requests for errands, phone calls, etc (”Mom, can you pick me up…?”, “Can you stop at…?”, “I need…”) are to be written on a note and set on the counter
  • I remind them ”it’s after 10″ and don’t give in unless it’s an emergency!
    • at first was always met with “but just this one quick thing…”
    • my response, “Sorry, but it’s after 10″. End of conversation

This is a simple example, but what a huge difference this has made! The last step is to evaluate if it’s working and if not, figuring out what needs to change. This has worked the majority of the time and when it hasn’t, it’s usually because we’ve “slacked” and veered off the plan. My guys have learned to manage their time, plan and respect my feelings/needs. I’ve learned that having a plan takes away a lot of stress and frustration. We are all getting the time we needed with fewer problems (and everything else still gets done!).

So try it! See the vision, determine the goal, and start breaking down the process into details step-by-step. Write it down, share it and stick with it! Then let me know how it works!!!