What do you do when you hear those dreaded words, “We need to talk…”? Those few words instantly increase my anxiety because I know that this is not going to be a fun conversation. So what do you do? The second lesson I’ve learned over the past months is:
2. The best offense is not always a good defense
Whenever I’ve coached ice hockey or soccer, I always stress that the best offense is a good defense. In sports, you can score a 10 goals, but if they score 11, they still win. It’s the defense that turns the game around.
What I’m finding though is that this is not always true when it comes to being on the receiving end of difficult conversations. Our natural reactions when someone “wants to talk” is to either try to avoid them or get defensive as they expose or confront our mistakes and faults. The toughest thing to do is to sit and listen to what they have to say. I know in my mind, I usually have one of two reactions:
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this person has no idea what they’re talking about–and I begin to defend or turn the conversation back onto them
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they are right, I am such a loser–and then I beat myself up about it
What I’ve learned to do is listen and objectively evaluate what they are saying. Is this person someone I can trust? Is what they say what really happened? Did they misunderstand or misinterpret? Once the conversation goes through those filters, and I realize they do have valid points and they have my best interests in their heart, that is when it gets tough.
Part of Romans 12:3 jumps out at me right about at that time, “Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves…” As we reactively slide to our default positions of pride or self-insult, the hardest reaction is to stop and take an honest look at what was said. Is what they said true? And if it is, what am I going to do about it?
I don’t like these conversations. I get embarrassed, angry at myself, and feel regret and remorse. But what about my friend? They took the chance to put my well being above their comfort. If I want to validate and encourage them, I need to trust and take it to heart. My level of respect for my friend increases tremendously. My feelings of being cared for and loved goes through the roof. Those feelings are worth feeling uncomfortable for a short time.
The best part…when I work on it and move forward, we can both celebrate! That is an awesome feeling!
Filed under: Christianity, Family, Friends, Health, Leadership, Ministry, Parenting
Stumbled onto the Christian Bloggers network on Facebook.
Found you there!
Being on the receiving end of these ‘talks’ can be really tough. But they’re also necessary. If we are willing to really humble ourselves and listen they’re worth it!
I’m looking forward to part 3!
I’m inviting you to party with me!
Win some chocolate from my-sister-in-law and I…we blog about CHOCOLATE…me from Australia…and her from Michigan. Here’s the link: http://thechocolistas.blogspot.com/2008/03/ultimate-blog-party-2008.html
What am I doing in Australia? I married an Aussie…and moved to Brisbane, leaving my family and friends and all the right-side-of-the-road drivers in America.
Win a handmade pocket place mat from my blog Comfort Joy Designs. Here’s the link:
http://comfortjoydesigns.blogspot.com/2008/03/ultimate-blog-party-2008.html
Want to know more about life in Australia? Visit my A Cup of Joy site where I keep up with my family and friends in America. Here’s the link:
http://acupofjoy.wordpress.com/
Happy Partying!
[...] Part 2 [...]
[...] If people speak truth (”correction”) into your life, don’t resent it. Instead: be grateful, receive their “correction” without getting defensive, evaluate it, and if it applies, make the necessary adjustments to your life. (Click here to read Rindy’s take on how to best receive “correction”). [...]