There are many “taboo” subjects that don’t get talked about in Christian circles. A few of them include mental health, eating disorders, self-injury, or suicide. I think these topics need to be brought out into the open, because I feel they take place within the Christian world, but everyone has decided to hide them and pretend that those things always happen to “other people”. We often have the mentality of “if we don’t talk about it, then it doesn’t exist”. In the meantime, many suffer in silence and alone. I would like to bring up the issue of suicide.
Is suicide wrong? There are 6-7 incidents of it in the Bible (see here)and many thoughts about what happens to someone if they do kill themselves. Christians opinions are often very strong about suicide and whether someone who commits suicide will go to heaven or hell. I’m not qualified to answer that but here is an article that addresses these issues.
Do Christians think about suicide? I would have to give that answer as a definite “YES”, because I know some who do. Does thinking about it make it a sin? Does thinking about it question your belief in Jesus?
Do Christians commit suicide? If you lean into Jesus, does He always save you from yourself? Can life become so overwhelming that no matter how much you believe, you just can’t make it another day? Can you love Jesus, yet take your life? Is committing suicide weakness or sin? What if we just think it? Is that wrong? Can we really control our thoughts and should we be judged if we think about it. Is something wrong with me if I do?
If I told you I was suffering from a life threatening disease where I was in pain every day, struggling to even get out of bed in the morning, what would you do? If I couldn’t clean my house, pay the bills, or deal with my boss or co-workers just one more day, what are my options? What if I just wanted to crawl under my covers and shut out the world because it hurt too much to get up and get moving and just breathing took too much out of me. What would you do? Would you blame me if I said I simply couldn’t fight it another day? Would you be able to accept it, offer help, talk about it to others and accept me, even though I was struggling with illness? Would you still care for me or love me? Would you condemn me or look down on me?
What if I told you I was thinking of suicide?What would you say or do? What if I was in pain every day, struggling to get out of bed, overwhelmed by the world, what would you do? If I couldn’t get my groceries, cook my meals, pay my bills, and I struggled every day just to make it through, what would you do? Would you blame me if I said I simply couldn’t fight it another day? Would you be able to accept me, talk to me, help me, and understand me, even though you may not agree but see that I am struggling? Would you condemn me, telling me I need to believe more. Would you tell me I just needed to pray more because God answers prayers? Would you still care for me or love me? Would you look down on me, call me weak, and possibly take the easy way out and just ignore me and not get involved?
Too many times we judge why someone has suicidal thoughts or follows through with their plans. Suicide may not mean that someone wants to die, it may mean they no longer have the strength or endurance to live.They pray, they seek help, they talk to others, they do all “the right things”, but the thoughts remain. Fortunately, most don’t act on their thoughts. However, too many are struggling and suffering because we’re too embarrassed to tell, but also too embarrassed to even talk about it. Things are not going to change by ignoring them. One friend, one comment, one person who cares may keep those thoughts just that…thoughts. That one time may save a life. Are we going to take a chance, because we are too embarrassed or maybe too ashamed that we also have those thoughts? It’s time to take a chance. Suicide happens and if you look around in a church service, I can guarantee that there is someone there who may be thinking that suicide is the only option.
A friend of mine committed suicide years ago. (read here) I know that he didn’t really want to die. He just couldn’t go on and live. I wish I could have done more but I was not in the place to tell him otherwise. We need to step up, put our own reservations and thoughts aside and reach out. You may be the one to change and save a life.
Filed under: Christian life, Church, Dying/Death, Faith, Health, Suicide
Well-written, Rindy. Well-written.
And you’re right. We do need to acknowledge that suicide is a definite risk, even for people who believe in Jesus. Your bolded sentence is the heart of why:
Suicide may not mean that someone wants to die, it may mean they no longer have the strength or endurance to live.
Sometimes it’s health, sometimes overwhelming grief, sometimes an emotional tailspin – feeling as though one is falling out of the sky. It can be induced by medications fighting each other in a person’s systems, or an unseen, invisible spirital onslaught that overpowers and seeks escape. The causes are many.
But you’re right. We need to allow it to sit on the table with all the other things we discuss – and help each other with, forget about the judging and save a life God values.
I can recall three separate seasons in my own life when I’ve considered it, two of those times I had a plan in mind. Once the Lord allowed me to observe a family deal with the reality of suicide and used what I saw to change my mind, the other a counsellor made me promise not to. Once I gave him my word I felt obligated to live, which I obviously am.
Knowing how real the issue is, and how important the words of someone who cares, it’s supremely humbling and gratifying at the same time to be that one. I’m thankful that now and then the Lord lets me come alongside someone to help them re-choose life.
Great words. Thank you.
P—
The short easy answer is that whatever is not of faith is sin. Obviously a person who takes his or her own life on some level (conscious or subconscious) has decided to no longer trust in the providence of God, however as with anything worthy of wrestling with it is never the easy answer that leads to a deep understanding of truth. The congregation I attend is deakling with this in a very personal manner right now, we have a fifteen year old boy that is on the brink of death due to an attempt to hang himself, please pray for that young man and his family as they wrestle with this thorny issue, and by the way, not afraid of controversy, are you, keep it up!
Thank you for tackling this issue. Your bolded statement is profound (Suicide may not mean that someone wants to die, it may mean they no longer have the strength or endurance to live). I’ve been there – am there too often these days. Thankfully I do have friends – online and in real life – who encourage me and hold me up, drag me along and carry me when I’ve lost the strength to go on. I’m thankful to God for providing those tangible sources of comfort when He seems so far away. We Christians need to be HIS hands and feet, HIS hugs and holds, when He seems too far away for those around us to find, when they so desperately need HIM.
Thank you for talking so openly about this issue. Our community and congregation went through this 2 weeks ago, when a family friend who had been plagued with mental illness and depression for years did commit suicide. There was talk of the hospital actually taking some responsibility because of the amount of drugs they put him on. They say it was the drugs that were partially responsible for his frame of mind at the time. It’s hard, it’s real, but it’s all in God’s hands. We only have the responsibility to pray, love, support and hope. Sometimes it’s the difference between stopping and truly listening with your heart as well as your ears, or just brushing by because we’re in a hurry. I know a lot of people are wondering what they could have done differently.
Excellent post. I must confess that personally I have a very visceral response to suicide. I become very angry. I wouldn’t attempt to provide a theological answer for whether “true” Christians would commit suicide to a person who was in such emotional pain. My pastoral response would be – “Don’t do it. You may not want to live, but I want you to live, and so does Jesus.”
[...] along… please read these excellent posts Lies of Rejection and Suicide and Christianity. Here is a snippet: Is suicide wrong? There are 6-7 incidents of it in the Bible (see here)and [...]
I agree with your other readers. This is very well written. Surprisingly well. Not in light of your other posts, but in light of the world and nature of blogging.
You’re questions (and questions and questions) rattle the cage of our comfort zones and easy, shallow thinking.
Sometimes it is good to push a topic so hard.
Suicide as a topic, but more as a reality, in my small opinion, is connected very deeply to how we see life, people, and God.
Some folks just don’t deal well with realities of life, and for them suicide can be a very real part of their thoughts. Or for others who also don’t deal well with the realities of life, suicide is a taboo subject. They deny it.
Then their are people who very well understand that suicide is as common as the sunrise. They grievously know that people are on the verge. It hits them in gut. They’ve seen death in people who should have never sought it.
It is deep, hard topic that is worthy of deep study and deep empathy.
Nice post. I enjoy reading your blog!
Love You!
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I learned today that the relative of a friend of mine committed suicide this week. All I could do was offer condolences because I didn’t know the relative, but my friend seemed depressed because of it.
There was a time in my recent past that I seriously considered it. I struggled everyday with a chronic illness and no way to get the treatment I needed.
Then, as if there was some kind of intervention, I thought of my family and realized that I could not do that to them. So, I didn’t.
The chronic illness is more or less under control, and life is worth living again.
Excellent words and some food for thought.
Happy Easter Rindy, and thank you for stopping by and saying hi the other day. I’m so grateful you did:)
Boy, I don’t have any direct experience with suicide although I know those who do. I remember as a teenager wanting to hurt myself with the attitude of “I’ll show them, then they’ll be sorry.” I had a friend who was emotionally sensational and would exaggerate to get attention. Sadly, many would feel manipulated and try not to “play into her hands”. I was convicted that her behavior was exposing a need she could not ask for consciously and I think the Holy Spirit really pushed me to stick with her. And it has helped. So my attitude of ignore the “all talk no action” type person was totally changed to view that kind of behavior as a non-verbal cry for help.
Thank you Rindy for addressing these kinds of issues. It’s so very very important that we as Christians are real, and honest about these things.
I do not believe that contemplating suicide is sin. But even if it is, our God provides forgiveness. And if He’s forgiven your sins then He’s forgiven all your sins. So in my mind there is no doubt that Christians who commit suicide go to heaven. And I strongly believe that God will welcome them with open arms, because He more than anyone else in the world understands our weaknesses. I know there have been times when I’ve not had the strength to reach out to God for strength and have ended up cutting myself instead, but I did not experience any condemnation from God for it. He was not mad at my lack of faith, instead He was there to pick up the pieces and gently lift me to my feet. That is the God we serve!!!!
Rindy, if you told me you were thinking of suicide, I’d tell you I’ve thought those thoughts too. I very distinctly remember in my teen years feeling so hurt and hopeless that I wanted to jump out my bedroom window, but then I wondered if I could fit my mattress out the window first so it wouldn’t hurt so bad;)
I still sometimes wish that I could escape the pain and disappointment I experience in this world and meet my father in heaven. The thing that brings me back to earth every time is the realization that God has me here for a purpose and there are others I would leave behind who need me.
Another topic I think that is taboo for many Christians also is the reality of Satan. He is the one whispering those temptations in our ear. Tell him in Jesus name to flee and he will!! It is temptation, not sin. Everyone is tempted. I could not judge you for being tempted.
As for whether or not suicide results in eternal damnation, I don’t know if there is scripture to support a clear answer on that, but I will reason this…. There’s a fifty fifty chance that a person who commits suicide could go to hell. (only God knows for sure) That’s a chance I don’t want to take. What’s worse… facing another day in Jesus name with all it’s trials and triumphs OR hell?
When I feel like I can’t go on the Holy Spirit reminds me of my life verse “I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13
I can’t be the judge of that but now as I get older think it’s not as black and white as it used to be. I used to believe that if you chose to play God and take your own life vs. loving God and choosing life….you’d not make it to heaven. I don’t know if suicide prevents one from heaven or not. ONLY God knows that. After all, was that person suffering from a mental disease that altered his thinking? So if he were, was he able to behave rationally? If indeed that were the case, would God take that out on that person and forbid him the book of life? I dont’ know….
My Mom died on Thanksgiving Day in 2005 very suddenly. She died in her sleep with no preceeding illness or pain. The shock, despair, anger, overwhelming sadness that my dad and sister and I felt was so heavy. It was such a heavy weight to bear. I didn’t think I could live through it and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
I can’t tell you how many times I thought about taking my own life just to end the suffering of my own broken heart. The only reason I didn’t kill myself is because of how it would hurt my father and my sister. I didn’t want them to have to deal with my death on top of my Mom’s death…I don’t feel as hopeless as I did that horrible November day. I do know that she is in Heaven, worshipping with the Father and she would never want me to end my life in a way that didn’t honor the Lord. And I don’t either, not really. I really did lack the endurance to keep living, or so I thought.
Thanks for this post. This is the first time I’ve admitted this to anyone other than me. It feels good to let it out.
Rindy, Thanks for visiting my blog. You can join Climbing for Christ for free if you are interested. We have a pretty good family focused ministry.
This was an excellent post on suicide. Our church body has had quite a few in recent years. I think suicide is extremely selfish. One begins focusing only on themselves and on their needs/problems and not on those around them.
Keep posting, be strong and courageous and live by faith not fear!
About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia]. God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].
Peace Be With You
Micky
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Rindy, OK openly here I was 5 years old when my father decided to commit suicide!!!
I have to agree with Todd it is an extremely selfish act!! I have no clue if my father was a christian!! I think he was not! So the question I’m asking God everday Will I ever see my father again? Will I ever know him? and I think it is OK for me to judge him and wonder why he left two beautiful girls behind? I dont understand I am a mother of 4 children and I just pray the lord keeps my head on and I never have SELFISH thaughts like this! I have forgiven my father for doing this! It has taken me aawhile but I started to do some research and background checks of why he would do such a thing! I did get some pretty good answers but not a good enough excuse to leave a 5 and 6 year old behind! I wonder if I will ever see him again? any insight? Jessica Barone
“Selfish” is a value judgement that helps survivors deal with their grief. “I want you to live, and so does Jesus” voiced without empathy … now that’s selfish.
Thomas Joiner’s new book, Why People Die by Suicide, offers insight for those truly interested in others.
Hi Rindy, I just saw this post you had written on suicide and after reading it I wanted to respond. I lost my brother to suicide almost eleven years ago now (December 20th). He was a born again Christian and saved, though I have no doubt that he is with the Lord. I know some people believe that if someone takes their own life that somehow they’ve commited an unpardonable sin but I don’t believe that is true. The bible says the only sin that can’t be forgiven is that of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, or rather, those who refuse to accept Christ. All other sins can be forgiven, even suicide and though some people might believe those who commit it are damned, perhaps because they cannot ask for God’s forgiveness while still in the flesh, I believe those who know Him go to be with Him. Suicide happens usually because a person has lost all hope.
Looking back at my brother’s life I can honestly say that there was a spiritual battle taking place. We have a very real and present enemy (Satan) who wants to kill and destroy us (the children of God) and he will stop at nothing to achieve just that. If that means he can wipe out somebody by orchestrating events in their lives that can possibly catapult them into depression then he will. I wish at the time I had had that very mindset. I saw things in my brother’s life that were sending him in the wrong direction (away from God) and though I tried to help him I always feel I did not try hard enough. You never realize what’s at stake, or how drastic things really are or can get until it is too late. So yes, you are right, we need to be persistent in reaching out to those we may feel are headed down a path of destruction and we also need to realize there is a spiritual battle taking place. Sometimes I think if those who are struggling with thoughts of ending their lives were reminded that they have an enemy who’s working very hard at destroying them then perhaps they would see their situations a little differently and would then fight all the harder to want to live – for God has a purpose and a plan for all of our lives which Satan does not want us to walk in.
Anyway, if a Christian commits suicide because of loss of hope then I still believe that they will go to be with God in heaven even though they ended their life prematurely. At least for me, that’s what I hope in.
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I want to thank you for this post. I believe that suicide is a very real issue and it is also a very taboo issue. no one wants to talk about the kind of pain and hoplessness that can lead you down that path. I know for me it was fear, fear of being judged, fear of being thought of as weak or selfish. but it was worthwhile to find help. I very much appreciate this post and I want to echo some other thoughts I read from the responses. I very much believe that any Christian who commits suicide will not be seperated from God and I very much believe that it can be a spiritual battle, a struggle to survive.
Again (for the third time) I want to thank you for bringing this topic to light, we really do, as Christian’s and as people, need to realize that suicide is something that happens and something that can’t be swept under the rug.
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This is an important subject to talk about. My brother-in-law just killed himself a few months ago. He was a Christian, but he really needed mental help and wouldn’t go get it. I’ve known other Christians who have tried. Again, it was a chemical imbalance or a mental problem that just made life too overwhelming for them. A counselor and medication would have made all the difference. I’ve read in a counseling book that you can help someone change their mind about suicide if they can understand how terrible it is for other people. They need to know that it will: cause friends and family to blame themselves, leave lots of problems for family to deal with, cause emotional pain for loved ones, and mess up God’s plan for their life.
So few have approached this subject with such compassion and amazing insight into the mind of those who either consider or sadly follow through with suicide. Certainly no caring person would want someone to end their life. But you hit right on the heart of the matter, most of them don’t want to die, nor do they want to offend the God that they still love so much. But they are so worn out emotionally and physically, and so many in such pain most of us will never know, and sadly would not take the time to try to imagine. So often we don’t listen to what hurting people are saying, not really listen, We give then quick pat answers, and then more times than not avoid them at all cost, leaving them even lonelier. So much of the time they don’t know how to put into words what they are feeling. As far as they not fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives, how many Christian live there lives their way and never fulfill the purpose for which God made them, and when their death comes naturally God’s plan for them was never completed. Just one more thing, Jesus died for sins past, present, and future. All our sins are already forgiven, we only have to go to Him and admit our sin and thank Him for the forgiveness we received when first we came to Him and received Him as Savior. Any way this was the best and most compassionate description of the mind of most people struggling with thoughts of suicide I have ever read and about time someone approached it in this way. WELL DONE!
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