Faith, hope, and a black belt

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

Have you ever been to the point of complete exhaustion? Have you ever worked so hard and struggled for so long that you absolutely cannot go on? Ever thought you saw the finish line, but when you got there you realized you had another mile to go? You’ve exerted every ounce of energy, every muscle aches, and fatigue washes over you like a 40 foot wave. You have nothing left to give and you have no idea how much longer you must go on. The prize is what you desire and you are willing to sacrifice all. You know it’s there somewhere, if you can only make it through. You would get it, if you only could endure.

Testing for my taekwondo black belt was not only a test of skill, but even more it was a test of endurance and what was inside us. The three day test was meant to shatter the limits both mentally and physically. The instructors promised they would push us to the brink of total collapse, and they did. The first day was a written exam, examining the knowledge that we had spent years acquiring. Only after passing that could we move on to the real test. The second day we performed the basics, over and over, with all the energy, speed, and strength that we could gather. If the evaluators believed that just one student did not give their best, we all repeated it again. After 3 1/2 hours on a Friday night, we were allowed to go…until the next morning. The “underbelts” were finished, the black belt candidates were just getting started.

Saturday morning came and it all began again. After a “warm-up” of review techniques tested the night before, we moved on to advanced techniques. Again, if the effort by one wasn’t 100%, all would repeat until the evaluators were satisfied. We were pushed to our limits, and what was left was that which was now a part of us. We knew though that much of the testing remained. After performing techniques and executing patterns, wiping up sweat and digging deep down for more energy, we were paired for testing of self-defense skills. The instructors had always warned us that if we could not defend ourselves, we would not get a black belt. There were no “freebies” here. It consisted of being attacked and reacting, no time to think or plan, and hoping that you didn’t freeze. When that was done, it was time for sparring. Three different opponents, no breaks between each, and no holding back. Complete exhaustion had set in long ago. Yet, something kept us going. Knowing what was at the end gave us strength to push on. The final task was breaking boards. With resources spent, somehow we mustered the ability to perform feats that were beyond making any sense. We did it. For 4 hours on that third day, we had endured and we had made it. We had to have believed it could be done because in the midst of it, there was nothing left to give.

Sometimes life seems like that black belt testing. We do what we must, over and over. We exert every ounce of energy and then are asked to give more. We rely on others but when they don’t give their all, we have to do it all over again. We are left on our own, to rely only on ourselves. We are pushed to the brink. Then when we think that we have given all we can, life begins to beat up on us. Marriages fall apart, friends walk away, families turn their backs, jobs are lost, illness or death jumps in and hope in anything seems so far away. That’s the time we dig deep inside, to draw in any bit of energy that’s tucked away somewhere in reserve. We are pushed beyond our limits, the energy is spent and what’s left is what is a part of us.

I think that faith is holding on when we feel that no hope remains in this life. There’s no hope left that dreams will come true or that things will work the way we desire. Faith is what’s left inside when we have nothing left to give. Faith is what exists in believing that God is who He is, even though we don’t understand at all. We have to believe in the prize, because in the midst of the struggle, we find the ability to endure beyond anything that makes sense. Sometimes trusting is the only way to get the strength to make it through.