Vulnerability: Strength or Weakness??
Being vulnerable…sounds so scary. But is it a strength or a weakness? Can it be both? If you’re a soldier fighting a war,being vulnerable is not something you would want. Or if you’re playing a big championship game in your favorite sport…not a time for your competition to know where you’re vulnerable. Obviously, in these instances it’s a weakness. It puts you at some risk for losing.What about in relationships? What about in church? Is being vulnerable a positive or a negative? or both? Let me throw out a couple examples…
Three months ago, I stood in front of 3 services, a total of around 700 people, and told about abuse I had been through and how I experience flashbacks because of this. Prior to this, I had told a total of around 2-3 people. Pretty vulnerable situation–darn scary if you really want to know. What would people think? Will they look down on me? Will they think I’m crazy and walk away? Will I be shunned and rejected? Will I be pitied? I was about to shock many people and I had no idea what would happen next. Now, let me say one thing–there was absolutely no strength coming from me at that point. I was not “brave” or anything like that. I was petrified! In fact, at one point standing in front of everyone, I actually stopped breathing (and they just thought I was taking a break- little did they know! )That part was all Jesus standing right there with me–not one ounce of it was me, because if it was up to me, it wouldn’t have happened. So back to the example…some probably saw my “flashback problem” as a weakness. I could hear it all–her poor kids with a mom like that; she must not know God enough; I wouldn’t want her around MY kids; and those not so subtle gossip whispers that just attack to make someone else look better or take the focus off themselves.
However, that’s not how it happened. There may have been comments, but if there were, I never heard them. Immediately after each service and continuing through even this past weekend, people have approached me privately and told me how they had gone through abuse and have never or only rarely ever spoken to anyone about it. Yet, they were telling me…people I only know by name, those I smile at or those that the only conversation I have ever had with them is to say ‘good morning’ or ‘can you believe the weather?’; and even a couple people I’m not sure I had ever seen before. Yet, here was a connection. In my weakest, most vulnerable moment, God used it as a way to connect with others. He used my weakness, my vulnerability, as the only way to put a tiny crack or maybe just a dent in someone else’s armor. I would say that’s strength–God’s strength. Now I think he has shared a little of that strength so I can allow myself to be vulnerable to possibly connect with someone that others cannot.
What about as a parent? There have been times when I have had to admit that I really screwed up. Kids are amazing at their perceptions sometimes. My kids have surprised me a few times with what they know and how they figured it out. I could deny it, cover it up, make up an excuse, or any number of things to never let the “supershield of parenthood” down. You know that shield–the one that’s held up to hide all vulnerabilities. Never let your children see where you’re vulnerable because they will use it against you every time. Or will they? Sure, there are no guarantees that they won’t (and if they’re a preteen or teen–sorry, they will at some point use it–but most of the times it’s worth the risk if it’s important). What’s truly amazing though, is when that shield is lowered at the right times, vulnerability opens the door to communication, understanding and connection. In other words, it becomes a strength to help move forward.
There’s a song that has touched my heart since it first came out and the video for it even more. Do we risk being vulnerable? What if someone else does? Do we judge them or accept them? Check it out… Does Anybody Hear Her? by Casting Crowns (sorry you have to get through the advertisement first but it’s definitely worth it!)
So what do you think? Is vulnerability a strength or a weakness? Would you open yourself to be vulnerable if the result was a strength in helping someone else? Is the church the place for this to happen?
Filed under: Abuse, Evangelism, Faith, Friendship, My Life, PTSD, Parenting, Thoughts
Hey.. interesting thoughts!
God bless
Maria in the UK
http://www.inhishands.co.uk
I enjoyed this post and your thoughts. Vulnerability can be both a strength and a weakness depending on how it is used.
Rindy,
Thanks so much for being open to discuss this even in the blog world. John Ortberg once said “I can only be loved to the extent which I am known”. It is so true that we need to be open, even vulnerable at times with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Only then can we see the true person inside of each of us. Then we can get to love and to know that person on a very real level. Far beyond the surface stuff that dominates Sunday morning’s in the halls. Great post. Thanks again!
My mother-in-law doesn’t think you should ever share those “personal” things publicly. She loves my blog but doesn’t understand why I would want to share some things with everyone. Must be a generational thing. God redeems the ugliness–beauty for ashes(Is 61) and if letting our guard down will let someone else off the hook, its totally worth it. During a worship service where I was leading music, I shared about my depression which is not looked on too kindly within the church. A woman approached me afterwards and felt relieved. She thought she was a bad Christian because she had bouts of depression and struggled to get out of bed. Glory to God we can bless another with our junk. Only God can do that. Sorry for rambling. I like your blog.
Rindy,
This is fantastic! Superficiality is a real pet peave of mine. I have feared judgement when I felt led to pull some of my skeletons out of the closet, but this is the verse which God has given me regarding this issue. 2 Corinthians 12:7 to 10 “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Thanks Rindy!
Melody
I echo Melody’s statements. I was going to post the exact same verses.
When you expose your weaknesses, you give people permission to share their weaknesses and in that you both can find healing in Jesus. Thank you for sharing.
I think vulnerability is most often virtue. And for some, it is a precious virtue. Some gush and some are too honest, but for those with discernment, vulnerability is a gift that moves and impresses people. Great post!
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i think you are a wonderful, amazing mom!!!!
Rindy,
Thanks for reading my blog and touching base. Vulnerability is a hard subject for me but I see your point. Gives me hope for the future.
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