Gideon

Judges 6 (in The Message):

Gideon has been chosen by God to lead and save his people from the enemy…a typical man simply taking care of his family, working every day…

Gideon’s response to God: Gideon said to him, “Me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”

Yet, God chose Gideon…and Gideon followed.

As he continues in Judges 7, Gideon gathered all his troops. God’s response: God said to Gideon, “You have too large an army with you, I can’t turn Midian over to them like this–they’ll take all the credit, saying, ‘I did it myself,’ and forget about me.” God set Gideon up with “impossible odds”, because only then would the people know that God was behind it all.

Gideon’s army won.

In Judges 8, Gideon’s army asked for support from others to continue. The others looked at the odds, thought about the plan, and doubted. They wouldn’t help. But the leaders in Succoth said, “You’re on a wild goose chase, why should we help you on a fool’s errand?”

Yet Gideon continued to obey and follow…and God delivered, all in His glory.

The least of his family, a weak lowly “runt”, chosen by God to lead “a wild goose chase” against all odds, while others doubted…he followed…and God delivered, all in His glory.

 It’s nice to know I’m not alone…

 

Systems for dummies–Part 2

When I cook, I usually don’t follow a recipe. To me most recipes are simply guidelines. I know what I want to make, have an idea how I’m going to do it, but then I change it up. I substitute ingredients, try new combinations, or eliminate steps altogether. With 3 growing boys in my house, I rarely have to worry that whatever I cook will be turned down. But here are the problems with this approach:

• Sometimes the meal comes out great…other times I’m lucky my guys will eat anything!
• I can never cook the same thing, the same way, twice
• If my guys want to cook the same meal, they have no idea how because I don’t even remember!

Systems can be like recipes. Systems allow and foster consistency over time, are reproducible, and can be taught to others. They can also take away a lot of stress trying to work it out every time!

How about an example of how systems can help as a parent? When my guys were little, I loved the time I had to myself at night after they went to bed. However, as they got older, they were up later and it always seemed that was the time they “needed” to tell me about their day, hand me permission slips to sign, or ask for my help with a school project. Our nights also seemed to get later and later with no “downtime”. We needed to figure this out. Here’s our system we put together:

Vision: to have my time alone back; to all have “downtime”
Goal/Win: after 10PM I would have no “Mom” responsibilities, all of us would have time to slow down at end of the day
Who is responsible for this working?: Me (to stick with it) & my guys (to respect it)
How it works:

• All clearly told that after 10PM was off limits for requests
• TV, video games, computer are all turned off at 10PM
• I am available to help with homework, projects, errands, etc. before 10PM
• After 10PM:
  • permission slips to be signed–placed on kitchen counter in specified spot to be signed in morning
  • requests for errands, phone calls, etc (”Mom, can you pick me up…?”, “Can you stop at…?”, “I need…”) are to be written on a note and set on the counter
  • I remind them ”it’s after 10″ and don’t give in unless it’s an emergency!
    • at first was always met with “but just this one quick thing…”
    • my response, “Sorry, but it’s after 10″. End of conversation

This is a simple example, but what a huge difference this has made! The last step is to evaluate if it’s working and if not, figuring out what needs to change. This has worked the majority of the time and when it hasn’t, it’s usually because we’ve “slacked” and veered off the plan. My guys have learned to manage their time, plan and respect my feelings/needs. I’ve learned that having a plan takes away a lot of stress and frustration. We are all getting the time we needed with fewer problems (and everything else still gets done!).

So try it! See the vision, determine the goal, and start breaking down the process into details step-by-step. Write it down, share it and stick with it! Then let me know how it works!!!

Systems for dummies–Part 1

One of the things that Paul and I have been working on the past months in preparation for Walls Down Church launching is systems. Now, if you’re a leader in an organization, you know what systems are and how important they are for success. If you’re like I was not long ago, you may be wondering, “What the heck are systems?”

Good news–you may not be calling what you do ’systems’, but you work systems every single day. The easiest definition of system I found is: the approach used to do something. It may be how you do your bills every month, the way you get things done around the house, the process and words you choose when your kids misbehave, or the way you organize your household.

Systems help us to get things done. They help us to be consistent. They also give us a base on which to grow. As a parent, if I face the same situation over and over, yet react in completely different ways each time, my kids would never know what to expect, would get frustrated, and would spend most of their time figuring out what was going to happen next! I would be wondering why nothing is working!

In an organization, without a system, everyone is left with no direction, time is wasted figuring and refiguring how to do everything each time, and each person is left to interpret each situation in their own way. Systems put everyone on the same page. They give a common framework on which all can then expand and grow. One of the keys to a successful system is to be intentional about creating a plan.

Creating a system requires knowing the vision (what you see down the line), setting a goal (a measurable benchmark how you’ve achieved), and then breaking it down into a step by step “road map” how to get there. Most of us can see a vision. We may even set some goals. It’s the details of how we’re going to accomplish those goals that tend to get a little fuzzy.

I want to share what I’ve learned about systems, because they work. I’m only qualified at this point to write this “Systems for dummies” series. I’m learning every day from reading about businesses, reading blogs (check out Nelson Searcy’s), reading books (check out Michael Gerber’s E-Myth series) and from talking with people who are doing it. You can also check out our progress on our Walls Down systems blog.

 

My man…

Looking like a man, yet sometimes wanting to be a child. Eager to step out on his own, yet still wanting Mom to guide him. Wanting to share his thoughts, yet drawn to silence. Excited to have his future ahead of him, yet desiring the security of comfort and what’s known.

Often as parents we don’t know what our kids are really thinking, especially as they become teens and begin to move on to adulthood. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to let kids grow up. We lose “control” of who their friends are, where they go, and in many ways what they think and believe. Yet, we know we have to let go.

It’s so easy to get upset or even angry when our kids don’t want to be around anymore. We wonder whether we’ve done enough, taught them right, or given them all the opportunities. We know we’ve messed up too many times and pray we didn’t “ruin” them. We hope that someday they will realize all we have tried to do and how much we love them, but we just don’t know if they will.

This morning I was surprised by my 18 year old son, Tim. He wrote two posts on a blog that he hasn’t touched in months. He didn’t even tell me he wrote them. Each morning and night I pray for him. This morning God showed me it’s all going to be ok. Check out I’m Gonna Miss This and I Saw God Today…Did I Let Him Pass By?…and excuse me while I get more tissues…

One more life

This morning I wrote that this week my friend’s grandson attempted suicide. He’s in 7th grade. He lived and is recovering in the hospital.

I found out this afternoon that the father of one of the boys I coached in hockey shot himself yesterday. One son was there, another was coming home from school, and they both found him. Tonight I listened as a friend who was first to be called was overwhelmed with shock, grief, and guilt.

Please pray for these families and their friends and the 1000’s others just like them tonight.

Christians, suicide, and vulnerability

A few statistics about suicide:

• Every 16.1 minutes someone commits suicide in the US.
• Each suicide intimately affects at least 6 other people.
• Every 16.1 minutes someone in the US is intimately affected by suicide.
• There are 25 attempts for every death for all ages combined.
• There are 100-200 attempts for every death for young people, ages 15-24.

A young teen recovers this week in an ICU in a nearby hospital from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the chest. This young man is my friend’s grandson. My friend is a Christian. This teen’s family are Christians.

Some more statistics:

• Every single day the searches that find this blog include “suicide”, “suicide and Christianity”, “Christians and suicide”, “what happens to Christians who commit suicide?” and many, many other similar searches involving suicide
• The top posts by far for all time (200+ posts, 63000 views) are “Vulnerability: Strength or Weakness” and “Suicide and Christianity”

Time to be vulnerable about suicide–what do I know? A few of many experiences:

• At 9 years old I “attempted” suicide the first time–I swallowed 1/2 bottle of aspirin and 2 airline size bottles of hard liquor. In my 9 year old world, I was going to kill myself.
• Stealing and swallowing a bottle of Valium and drinking a large amount of alcohol, I was poised to hang myself–I passed out and no one ever knew.
• Driving 80mph straight into the path of on oncoming semi truck, something forced that wheel back into my own lane
• Sitting in a closed garage with the car engine running, drunk and ready to die, a friend “happened to” call on the phone and unknowingly saved my life

I don’t know why I am here and so many are not. I don’t know why friends, who have been at the same place have died. I could have easily been another statistic at many times in my life. I grew up knowing “God was out there somewhere” and frequently thought about suicide. As I learned who Jesus was and even as I felt His presence and guiding, I thought about suicide. The thoughts didn’t immediately end and for many Christians they don’t.

We need to take away the guilt and shame and dare to reach out to truly connect and understand. We need to connect with those who don’t even know Jesus. We need to stop criticizing those who do know, yet are not perfect (which happens to be all of us).

There is hope!! I have learned to completely lean into Jesus…and He is there to always hold me up. I no longer think about attempting or committing suicide at any time…never even think about it at all. What I do think about is knowing how many feel and knowing so many who are where I was. I want them to know they can be where I am today. If that means that I have to risk criticism and become vulnerable sharing my story, I am ready. It’s worth it.

I pray for my friend’s grandson. I pray for those who are reading this now considering the choices. I pray for those who can reach out and have not yet taken the risk to connect. I pray they know that Jesus has promised us all so much more. We are all in this together…

Home!

Atlanta was great! Highlights with details to come:

• 3 days of Orange Conference–lots of great speakers and tons of awesome takeaways from the sessions
• Sunday morning service at Browns Bridge Community Church in Cumming, GA
• Sunday afternoon service at NewSpring Church in Anderson, SC
• Spending time with Paul and Sherri and their little ladies–I can’t wait to serve with them every day!
• Having all 3 of my guys pick me up at the airport last night…and wanting hugs from Mom!! I love my guys!!!

I have tons more to come on all of these, but right now I have to put on my other hat as a physical therapist and get to work!!

You CAN be debt free

I had a refreshing conversation last night on the plane flight to Atlanta. I sat next to a young, 20-something guy and somehow got on the topic of money, foreclosures, and credit. It was perfect timing because all week this topic has kept surfacing with friends and co-workers. What was different with this guy was that he wasn’t falling into the “I need it…and I need it now” trap.

Every day credit card debt soars. Every day young families realize too late it costs more than they thought to raise kids. Every day a crisis happens and finances fall apart. I read this article of divorces caused by financial problems. The banks tell us that we can afford more, our friends convince us “everyone is in debt”, and we think we “deserve” what everyone else has. So we spend…and spend some more.

So what’s the big deal about being debt free? Everywhere you look, you can read that finances are the #1 cause of divorce. One spouse spends too much, one hates to spend. Parents want to give their kids everything so they work more hours to pay for it all. One spouse works long hours, the family is neglected, and problems start popping up everywhere. We fall victim to guilt from our kids when they say, “all my friends are going…” or we feel we have to “prove” we love them by giving them stuff. The cycle is endless, and the stresses increase.

How do we stop the cycle? Bottom line…discipline. Being intentional about spending and where our money goes. Saying no and finding patience to put off until we can pay for things we would impulsively buy today. Creatively saving money while giving our kids what they really need (our time, energy, love, attention). Yes, it can be done and you can live a happier, healthier, and more productive life because of it!

Check out these sites for some great, practical and “real” ways to start getting on the right track or move forward even more! Many have heard of Dave Ramsey, who has tons of books and resources. But check out these guys too…”regular guys” having huge impact teaching about finances for “regular people”: Joe Sangl and Casey Graham. It’s worth it!

 

Family portraits

Just sharing a couple of new family photos, hockey style…

 I LOVE THESE GUYS!!

Whatever it takes

Tonight I’m speaking at a Teen MOPS group. MOPS stands for Mothers of Preschoolers and is a wonderful Christian-based organization for Moms throughout the country. Teen MOPS is for teen mothers. My friend Jessica started a teen group at Northgate this year. The topic tonight is self-esteem and self-respect and how it ties into healthy relationships and motherhood.

These girls have not experienced healthy relationships. Some have and continue to be in situations of violence against them. Some have many other issues they may or may not be dealing with. All have little children that they are influencing.

THIS is how God is using me. I will tell them where I’ve been. I will show them where I am. I pray that at least one thing I say will impact each and every one of them in some way. I have openly talked about all I’ve been through, yet tonight there may be details discussed that I’m ready to, but haven’t yet had to share. Questions and discussion can go in any direction!

I’m excited and nervous. I know God will lead me and I’m ready to do whatever it takes…